Janet Jackson is the winner of the 2018 Billboard Music Icon Award. She has had an extraordinary, dynamic presence in popular culture for over thirty years as a singer, songwriter, dancer and actress; and at age 52, Janet does not look a day over thirty-five. In addition to her wildly successful career, at age fifty, she gave birth to her son, Eissa Al Mana, much to the delight of women over forty years old everywhere. Despite her striking beauty, and major music and film accomplishments, even Janet Jackson has struggled at times with low self-esteem and poor body image. What! But if we’re being honest, we’d note that this is a very common occurrence. And let’s be clear; if Ms. Jackson can struggle with low self-esteem, it can happen to ANYONE, and we should cut ourselves a little slack!
I mean, she is a GODDESS, right?!
Origin of low self-esteem
But even a Goddess like Janet Jackson aka Damita Jo has her moments. Honestly, it is difficult in this day and age, not to feel uneasy about ones looks. We have movies, television, and now social media, (a huge element), showing us their ideal beauty. There is a lot of media pressure to look, well, perfect. Often times what is deemed as “perfect”, for many of us can be unattainable. We’re born too short, too dark, too fat, too old, from the wrong side of the tracks; you get what I mean. The world is busy telling us, “You Are Not Enough”, and it can take a lifetime to convince ourselves otherwise.
Many times, what is screamed at us out there in the world, is also echoed in our homes. For the Goddess Janet, this was innocently started in her own home by someone she greatly admired, her brother Michael. At age 8, Michael pointed out to her a girl with a “svelte” (read THIN) body with a petite bottom. He then thru the years, teased her about her “big butt”, insisting that she lose weight.
Janet then internalized her BROTHER’S body ideal. She convinced herself that her shape was “terribly wrong”, and then by her own admission, she tormented herself with that unrealistic body ideal for many years to come. Janet admitted all of this was in her biography “True You”. So, here we have the immensely talented Janet Jackson, who epitomized sexiness, strength, and self-assurance and who flaunted that image in her videos, and concerts; questioning her own self-worth.
Improving low self-esteem
If the Goddess Damita Jo can struggle with low self esteem and poor body image, its no surprise that we mere mortals also struggle with self-esteem in our daily lives. It’s important to note Janet’s age when the initial impact occurred. Janet was only eight years old. In my own life, I was around the same age when I began to notice my fathers obvious disdain for overweight people. He would point them out in a crowd and make some type of sarcastic comment about their appearance. Most times it was a woman he chose to belittle. As a result, I have had to consistently work at maintaining self-love despite my chubby frame (#ilovechocolate). It’s important to recognize how quickly young girls pick up on our biases and opinions. Young girls are quite impressionable by our beliefs about beauty and body image. Our charge is to encourage them to feel comfortable in their own skin. Our charge is to champion our young girls’ unique beauty, in whatever package it comes. Compliments can go a long way in boosting a young girl’s confidence. The best way to teach our young girls to be self-confident and have a positive body image, is to demonstrate these ideals in ourselves. WE must believe in OURSELVES, our own unique beauty, and the importance of what we bring to the world. As we get older, this can mean unlearning negative beliefs about ourselves, and choosing actions that demonstrate self-love (to find 7 ways I’ve learned to build and maintain my own self-esteem and positive body image, Click here ). It also means creating environments at home that are nurturing, and self-affirming to our girls. It means curbing overly critical comments. Working to bolster up our girls’ character and abilities, instead of tearing them down. One technique I have learned is to give 3 positive comments for every more critical one. Yes, iron sharpens iron, but we as caregivers must be sure that the person receiving the comment can accept the critique in the manner given. Often comments cut much deeper than intended.
Steps to improving low self-esteem
So, the real question becomes, how does one maintain (or establish) behaviors that demonstrate self-love. In my experience, it takes a multi-tiered approach. Janet Jackson herself recently stated “I believe in all the different methods of help- smart psychology, vigorous exercise, and sincere spirituality.”
First, a strong belief in a higher power, tends to give most people solace. Whichever name one chooses to call it, acknowledging the power of God in one’s life can be powerful.
Second, it’s important to recognize how much regular exercise impacts one’s daily sense of well-being. Quite frankly, it’s the easiest way to improve your feelings about your body, and just feel good in general. Endorphins, hormones released with exercise, are your best friend!
Third, I cannot stress enough the importance of getting psychotherapy when the situation dictates it. Professional help, for many of us, can be a bridge that helps us get through some very difficult times. In some communities, it has a bad rap, something used by “weak minded” individuals. Quite the contrary, it takes a strong individual to recognize when they need help, and to seek it out. Therapy does not have to take the place of spiritual counseling either, both have their place and can be used simultaneously as the situation dictates.
Finally, having a strong community of friends and family, can do wonders for one’s self-esteem. A community of positive, like-minded individuals can give support in hard times, and share great times. Good friendships give encouragement when needed, and provide and also good belly laughs, which are quite therapeutic in high doses! #bodyconfidence
In conclusion, I believe we owe it to ourselves to learn how to love to ourselves in our entirety; and be happy and comfortable in our own skin. Our daughters, nieces, goddaughters will learn from example, and we can help them navigate their own journey to self-love.
Be sure to check out my website at www.DrDawneobgyn.com , and follow me on FB, IG and Twitter at DrDawneObGyn. And remember, Know More, Be Better!
Dr. Dawne Collier-Dupart is a board-certified obstetrician gynecologist, women’s health educator, 2X best-selling author, and speaker. Dr. Dawne resides in Chicago with her husband, Olufemi Dupart and puppy Apollo Creed. For further information about how to overcome body shaming and gain improve self-confidence, read her new book “The Clever Girl Life: A Teen Guide to Positive Body Image, Self-Confidence, and Life Happiness”, you can find it here.
